A World That Keeps On Spinning

Degrees of Separation

2011-12-11T01:58:00.001-08:00

This picture is pretty self explanatory. Engaged to Ray Bryson October 11, 2011. It happened in Yellowstone National Park. Great experience and definitely was caught off guard- I hadn't even seen a ring but we had been talking about marriage for a while. Definitely the way I wanted it to happen- not knowing and surprised.

What I find to be more important about this ring is not the hype of a wedding, but a reminder of a realization that my life has never been just about me and for me. As much as I wanted to live a life for myself, what I do affects every single person I am connected to. The symbolization behind a ring, engagement or wedding, is that you have chosen to tie, intertwine, or entangle your life with someone else to the point where every action you make no longer affects just you. But what actions have you made to get to this point? They obviously affected multiple individuals because you would not be at this point if your life was solely about YOU and YOUR WORLD.

Everyone lives in their own world. You see it in everyday conversation and observing every single person you encounter/ see throughout a day. Everyone has their own agenda for the day and this is a tiny glimpse into their world. Yet, each agenda has the potential of effecting someone else's. But do you ever realize it until it's hit you in the face? Like with an engagement ring for instance?

For every person, there are 6 degrees of separation. In some way, we are connected to more than what we see and the people in our immediate circle. Just keep in mind that every action you make, however large or small, has an effect on someone else in this world. Don't let it overwhelm you. But don't forget that your life means something. There are a lot of people that think so, too.

Intuition

2011-09-06T09:41:00.000-07:00

Intuition. It's that innate nature that is usually coincides with Mothers. Intuition seems to be that feeling that you have where something is just right or wrong, good or bad. I say seems to be because I am not a mother. It's that piercing feeling that you just know and don't have to ask why. Some people call this a conscience. Pinocchio has Jiminy Cricket.

Due to having grown up with strong religious influences, I relate feelings concerning intuition to religion- the Holy Ghost is giving me an impression concerning a matter. I have taken this approach to life far more recently in the past year than I have ever done throughout the majority of my life. If you aren't religious the best way to describe this is these feelings that piece your soul, whether for good or for bad, is a higher power that is speaking to you. We are older beings than we know. Our bodies are young, but I have been taught we have souls and these souls have lived far longer than our bodies. The piercing is a tapping of our souls, telling us something we already know. It is for this reason we don't ask "why" and we accept and embrace. But, like in cartoons, there is an angel sitting on one shoulder and a devil sitting on the other.

Being human, we have a tendency to be skeptic of everything that presents itself. We look for the catches, the fine print, the scam. What is interesting about this is that we don't trust and outright we are fearful. As such, we are looking for fear. If we are looking for fear, sure enough, we are going to find it because we choose to make a fear that probably never existed. "Your worst fears come true when you are looking for them." Most people are looking for the devil on their shoulder because life isn't fair. Life is always too good to be true! Something is going to screw up my life, this little tiny decision that isn't my own, not something that I have decided to think up myself.

If you are religious or not, I found the answer to these skepticism in the King James version of the bible1 Corinthians chapter 3 verses 11 and 19. Read it and find an answer for yourself.

Rest In Peace, Aunt Faye

2010-12-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

Faye Broadhead Lundquist 1917 ~ 2010

Faye Broadhead Lundquist was born on June 9, 1917, to Samuel Daken and Alice Ann Carter Broadhead in Nephi, Utah. She died December 7, 2010, of causes incident to age. She and her twin sister Fern were the youngest of seven children. She had a delightful childhood, raised in Nephi and on the Broadhead Ranch, a cattle and wheat ranch located at Four Mile Creek on the Levan Ridge south of town.

Faye attended school in Nephi, graduating from Juab High School where she was a twin cheerleader with her sister Fern. She majored in Elementary Education at Brigham Young University in 1939, teaching in South Sanpete School District.

While at BYU, Faye met Earl B. Lundquist, an accounting major. They married in the Salt Lake City Temple on August 31, 1940, lived in Springville, Utah, and later moved to Salt Lake City where three children were born: Ann, Alan Earl, and David Daken. Every year of their marriage, Earl gave Faye a piece of sterling silver for Christmas. After a marriage of 56 years, Earl died in 1997.

Faye was an active member of the LDS Church, serving in the Primary Stake Board and the Relief Society. She and her husband served a three-year Salt Lake Cambodian Mission. In addition, Faye was active in the PTA, a Cub Scout den mother, a member of the Days of '47 Queens Committee, and served a docent at the Governor's Mansion and The Church of Jesus Christ Museum of History and Art. Always involved in service to her church and community, Faye's motto was "help others, but have fun, too." She was president of the CPA Auxiliary; president of Flora Culture and Neighborhood Garden Clubs; president of the Utah Associated Garden Clubs; and vice president of the Brigham Young University Emeriti Board. She served on the University of Utah Hospital Foundation Community Awareness Board and Utah Heritage Foundation Board. She was a member of the Bonneville Knife and Fork Club, Women's State Legislative Council, Daughter of the Utah Pioneers, and the Utah Historical Society. Faye was one of the founders of the Utah Girls (now Youth) Village. One of her most memorable community projects was being chosen by Governor Norman Bangerter to oversee the restoration of Memory Grove, which had become overgrown and vandalized, for the United States 1976 Bicentennial.

Faye was a marvelous people person, loved by everyone. She was kind, generous, and sincerely interested in whomever she met - where they were from, who their parents were, what they did. Her grand-children and great-grandchildren adored her, and she adored them. Faye loved to play tennis, travel, study art and music, and spend time with her many friends and her family. She was proud of her pioneer heritage and enjoyed researching and compiling her family history.

She was preceded in death by her husband, her parents, and her sisters and brothers: Valate, Daken, Sheldon, Rulon, Blanche, and Fern. She is survived by her three children: Ann (Jay), Sandy, Utah; Alan (Jan), Salt Lake City, Utah; and David (Laura), Tulsa, Oklahoma; seven grandchildren: Todd Bjorklund, Kara Bjorklund Olschewski (Bruce), Erika Lundquist, Danielle Lundquist, Elisabeth Lilja, Kristin Lilja, and Andrew Lundquist; and five great-grandchildren: Benjamin, Thomas, Anna Beth, Matthew, and Rebekah Olschewski. She also left behind numerous nieces and nephews. She was truly the matriarch of this wonderful family. The family would like to extend their appreciation to Highland Cove Retirement Community and the staff of the IMCU at University Hospital for their kindness and care of Faye.

Funeral services will be held Monday, December 13, 2010, at 12:00 noon at Wasatch Lawn Mortuary, 3401 South Highland Drive. Family and friends may visit at Wasatch Lawn on Sunday from 5:00 to 7:00 p.m. or Monday from 11:00 a.m. to 11:45 a.m. prior to the service. In lieu of flowers, the family requests contributions to Utah Youth Village, 5800 So. Highland Drive, 84121.

Life and Love

2010-11-14T23:21:00.001-08:00

Jillian and Kim Berman

Over the past 4 months, 3 people I have known have past. The degree of influence they have had on my life has increased with each individual.

Jane Merrill. Eric Wright. Kim Berman.

Jane is the mother of 3 friends I graduated with. Her daughters are Lizzie, Ari, and Gillian. They are triplets. Each woman has different qualities but they are all amazing and will do wonderful things with their lives. I appreciate their friendship and the impact they have made on my life. Jane died of cancer. It was not unexpected, however, she was given months to live and died within weeks. She was a beautiful, fun, energetic, and knew what living life was all about. She welcomed me into her home with open arms time and time again. She will be missed, but her life is celebrated by and through her daughters and their father. Her legacy lives on.

Eric was an extraordinary man who had a life yet to live. He was friendly, kind, opinionated, involved, interested, educated, and Eric knew how to make everyone feel included. He touched the lives of many. His death was unexpected. A tragic accident. His family and his close friends were and are heartbroken. Yet, Eric knew how to live life. He was charismatic and absolutely a thrill to be around. He had a smile that brightened up a room and made everyone feel like they were worth something. His brilliance and his drive were taking him places. Remembering Eric's life has made me want to be better for everyone else.

Kim was the mother of one of my closest friends I grew up with. I am friends with her entire family and consider them my family as well. Kim, her husband Brian, and her three children, Jon, Jillian, and Frazier, are in all of my childhood memories. They are the reason I started playing soccer. I was practically Kim's 4th child, always at her house, from dawn till dusk (except on Sunday). Kim had breast cancer when I was about 9 years old. I remember she lost her hair and wore wigs or bandannas. She was still the coolest mom on the block. She beat the cancer and everything seemed fine. A few years ago, it came back, stage 4, throughout her entire blood stream. It was eminent that she was going to pass. But she was stubborn and didn't go out without a fight, just the way she is. Kim was admitted to hospice November 12, 2010, her birthday. I received a text in the early hours of Sunday morning, November 14, telling me that Kim had past. My heart sank and I was at a loss for words. She taught me so much and the impact she and her family has made on my life is indescribable.

Death is a humbling experience. You never know when someone you love will be gone from this life. Yet, in spite of all this, I believe that life needs to be celebrated. Live for the ones that have left. Live a life that makes them proud. Act well in their name. Take from their lives everything they have taught you and apply it to who you want to be. Then, BE. I also believe that emotions need to be felt, embraced, and expressed. Emotions should never be hidden because the world tells you to. Show your weaknesses. Embrace the difficult times. But do not let them control you or you will never be able to celebrate your life, especially if the emotions are from the loss of a loved one. Life is short. Make the most of it while you are here. Take comfort in what you know or what you believe. And live.

Shake the Dust by Anis Mojgani

2010-08-16T00:53:00.000-07:00

Anis Mojgani

This is for the fat girls. This is for the little brothers. This is for the school-yard wimps, this is for the childhood bullies who tormented them. This is for the former prom queen, this is for the milk-crate ball players. This is for the nighttime cereal eaters and for the retired, elderly Wal-Mart store front door greeters. Shake the dust.

This is for the benches and the people sitting upon them, for the bus drivers driving a million broken hymns, for the men who have to hold down three jobs simply to hold up their children, for the nighttime schoolers and the midnight bike riders who are trying to fly. Shake the dust.

This is for the two-year-olds who cannot be understood because they speak half-English and half-god. Shake the dust.

For the girls with the brothers who are going crazy, for those gym class wall flowers and the twelve-year-olds afraid of taking public showers, for the kid who's always late to class because he forgets the combination to his lockers, for the girl who loves somebody else. Shake the dust.

This is for the hard men, the hard men who want to love but know that it won't come. For the ones who are forgotten, the ones the amendments do not stand up for. For the ones who are told to speak only when you are spoken to and then are never spoken to. Speak every time you stand so you do not forget yourself. Do not let a moment go by that doesn't remind you that your heart beats 900 times a day and that there are enough gallons of blood to make you an ocean. Do not settle for letting these waves settle and the dust to collect in your veins.

This is for the celibate pedophile who keeps on struggling, for the poetry teachers and for the people who go on vacations alone. For the sweat that drips off of Mick Jaggers' singing lips and for the shaking skirt on Tina Turner's shaking hips, for the heavens and for the hells through which Tina has lived. This is for the tired and for the dreamers and for those families who'll never be like the Cleavers with perfectly made dinners and sons like Wally and the Beaver.

This is for the biggots, this is for the sexists, this is for the killers. This is for the big house, pen-sentenced cats becoming redeemers and for the springtime that always shows up after the winters.

This? This is for you.

Make sure that by the time fisherman returns you are gone. Because just like the days, I burn both ends and every time I write, every time I open my eyes I am cutting out a part of myself to give to you. So shake the dust and take me with you when you do for none of this has never been for me.

All that pushes and pulls, pushes and pulls for you. So grab this world by its clothespins and shake it out again and again and jump on top and take it for a spin and when you hop off shake it again for this is yours. Make my words worth it, make this not just another poem that I write, not just another poem like just another night that sits heavy above us all. Walk into it, breathe it in, let is crash through the halls of your arms at the millions of years of millions of poets coursing like blood pumping and pushing making you live, shaking the dust.

So when the world knocks at your front door, clutch the knob and open on up, running forward into its widespread greeting arms with your hands before you, fingertips trembling though they may be.

We Live In A Beautiful World

2010-08-07T22:17:00.000-07:00

There is a beautiful song by Coldplay called Don't Panic. There is one line in particular that is repeated a few times. We live in a beautiful world.

We take too much for granted in this life. The big are always what we notice first. However, why do we never realize the small? Beauty lies around us that we choose to overlook each day, whether it be the beauty of nature or the beauty of our own lives. Everyone is going through a struggle in their life. Everyone has a problem. With these struggles, we can make a choice. Do these struggles define ourselves? Or do we choose to define ourselves? This creates a fine line between pity and progress. We can never let ourselves think that our struggles are mundane. But if we choose to seek pity from those about our struggles, we are abusing our world. We are choosing to see the darkness and not the light.

Never take for granted the small things in life. A beautiful sunrise, a smile, a laugh, a tear, a storm, the people around you, etc. There are so many joys in this life. Take it all in. Bask in the sunlight while you have it. Endure the storms when they come. For they will come and they will seem endless. Hold on to the beauties and the joys in life. They are what will get you through the tempest.

Trivial Pursuits

2010-08-03T08:30:00.000-07:00

Each year of my life has brought about an interesting change. I have cycled through numerous friendships, student leadership opportunities, venues of entertainment, places of living, goals, jobs, genres of music, attitudes, dreams, etc. There are many things I have considered important that now seem like frivolous and pointless endeavors. Currently, I do not know what is most important. I feel like the passion I once had for life has disappeared. I am tired of the same people, the same mundane activities, and wasting my time. While I am stuck in a classroom or in my minimum wage jobs, there are people that need help. I want to make a difference so badly that everything I am currently pursuing seems useless. Monotonous and frivolous pursuits have filled my time. What is more important and what are we willing to sacrifice to get it?

Void

2010-08-02T22:53:00.000-07:00

One thing I rarely do in life is let someone in quickly. I have found in the past that when I decide to let someone in, they always end up leaving and their absence fills me with doubt, regret, and sadness. Why do we decide to be guarded and put up walls? I believe that this is due to experiences of feeling vulnerable. In any relationship, whether it be platonic or romantic, we let another person in our world. We share with them our deepest thoughts, desires, and dreams. And we do so with a blind hope that we won't feel regret when these relationships end. Yes, I believe that even the best friendships will eventually disappear. Some will erupt as a red star leaving a black hole in its stead. Others will become as brown dwarfs, leaving no light behind but just a rock providing no source for another life to exist.

What is interesting is when you decide to let someone in quickly. You feel something different about them; a previous connection if you will. Something that you don't feel in other people. It is this decision that leaves vulnerability. You are exposed and rather quickly to someone you may not fully understand and nor do they fully understand you. It has been my experience that making this decision is a foolish one. However, I cannot stop doing it. The connection between that other individual is so powerful that I let those walls down. You feel their old soul connecting with yours if you will. It is when this relationship fades that others don't seems as fruitful. It seems as though a large part of you is missing and that nothing, no activity, no event, not even another person can help you fill that void, the emptiness in your heart.

No, I am not writing this about a past romantic relationship but more so out of past experiences with those I have called close friends, male and female. I have made mistakes in my friendships and I have taken people for granted. However, the feeling of abandonment is worse than that of disappointment. You hit the hard ground after a long fall and you don't want to get back up. Lately, this void has bothered me more and more. It has crept into more areas of my life to where I don't know what is more troublesome or more important. Doubt, uncertainty, and regret have crept into many areas of my life.

After the abandonment, the more troublesome emotion to deal with is moving on. Cutting ties or burning bridges is something I have never been able to do. Why must this be done? Well, is there a need to hold on to something that doesn't want you? What is the need in staring in to eyes that hold no desire or joy to be staring back in to your own? This brings emptiness and sadness. In most situations, nothing can be done to fix this. The sadness will pass and the emptiness will be forgotten or pushed aside.

The words that best express my feelings are stated in Rocky Votolato's Suicide Medicine. Yeah, this is a tad emo but no one is perfect. "Is it the red wire, or the blue wire? Just pick one and cut it, it just doesn't matter any more." I interpret this line as saying stop trying to fix the problem. You've spent long enough staring at it. Do something about it or don't because it won't ever be resolved. So, it just doesn't matter anymore. Choose a wire and let the bomb explode.

More New Music

2010-07-11T12:48:00.000-07:00

New tastes as of late:

Artists
The GO! Team

Maps and Atlases

Anthony Green

Rocky Votolato

Typhoon
The Elephants
HE IS WE
Sleep For Sleepers
This Providence
Brighten
Cady Groves
New Crystal Dolls
Fair
The White Panda
Two Tongues
Stars

Be Progressive

2010-07-11T11:49:00.000-07:00

I get highly annoyed with apathetic people. The kinds of people that stop caring about progressing their lives to choose to call themselves worthless. This type of person believes that they are those that amount to nothing special. Why I get annoyed with this mentality is these type of people don't respect themselves because they are deeming their life (at this point in time) worthless.

What is your drive in life? Usually, if you want something bad enough you go get it. And if someone tells you that you can't, for some it pushes their drive farther while for others it creates further low-self esteem. Progression, of any kind, creates a better society. Looking for change in your current situation is progression. Shake it up. Don't give in.

Why is it that we need to have a status to define who we are? Status meaning a fancy car, a corner office, a power suit, "Keeping up with the Jones'" type of personality, etc. Why does this matter in the definition of who you are? Instead, choose to BE. The doing will be of your choosing because you are what you want to be. Along with this thought, to find someone you love, you need to be someone you love. You can't "have" something or "do" something if you aren't being what you want. Happiness comes from choice. Choice turns into become. And become turns in to do and have. Do and have to me means drive.

Don't let apathy take control of your life. If it does, don't let it control you and trap you to the point where you can't see any other way of life. Be the change you want to see.

Maze of the Mind- Video

2010-03-09T21:10:00.000-08:00

Maze of the Mind

This is a video I did exploring a site. I chose the mind. Enjoy!

Song- Battling Go-Go Yubari In Downtown L.A. by ediT

My New Tastes

2010-02-19T10:41:00.001-08:00

Here are some artists that have flooded my headphones for the past 3 months. Check them out if you see anything new!

Artist- Album

ediT- Certified Air Raid Material

Silence- L'autre endroit

Vampire Weekend- Contra

The XX- X

Zoot Woman- Things Are What They Used To Be

Dirty Projectors- Bitte Orca

Blue Scholars- OOF! EP; and- Blue Scholars

John Mayer- Continuum

Temper Trap- Conditions

Animal Collective- Merriweather Post Pavilion

Classified- Union Dues

Newton Faulkner- Hand Built By Robots

Say Anything- Say Anything

Incubus- Make Yourself

Bliss N Eso- Flying Colours

Hilltop Hoods- The Hard Road: Restrung

Metric- Fantasies

Passion Pit- Manners

Phoenix- Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix

Boat- Setting the Paces

Hello Kavita- To A Loved One

Unity In The Darkness

2010-01-31T12:14:00.000-08:00

By Marco Dormino, UN via AFP
Taken: 1/28/2010

Cubans, French, American, Israeli, Chinese, Bolivian, British, UN Peacekeepers, and many many more have come to aid one of the smallest countries on the earth. Destruction and devastation has taken a grip on a country with 9 million inhabitants. A country that is slightly smaller than the state of Maryland. And the world has come to its aid.

We seem to think that it's us vs. them. At least that is the mentality of many US citizens. We live in our own world. In our own bubble where no one else is allowed to enter. Previous generations can't see past religion, skin color, ethnicity, or cultural divides. 70 years ago, Nazi's were torturing and murdering innocent beings because of these differences. Persecuted and hunted down because their genetics were deemed filthy.

Looking at how far we have come, there is still racism in the world. There is still hatred. There seems to be more hatred broadcasted in media than there is love. As humans, we are all capable of something higher than ourselves. We have the ability to do more than what is presented in our every day lives. It has been demonstrated over time that humans will help each other. This disaster is no different. Haiti is in despair. In darkness. And the world has united.

Soul's Purity

2010-01-31T00:07:00.001-08:00

I am printed with what I should be. What I should believe. What knowledge I should have. What clothes I should wear. What activities I should partake in. The world is etched across my face and they dictate who I am. This gibberish is who they tell me I should be. Yet, I ask, no I dare, for you to see past what the world shows you. Dive in to my ocean. Take an eternity and let your mind dip in the waters of my eyes, the window to my soul. This is one place that they cannot touch. This is who I truly am, where they will never be able to penetrate. Yet, is all of that lost in the coverings of what they tell me to be? Has the world taken control and am I another slave to social dictations and constructions? Where have my purity, valiance, resilience, and truth disappeared to? I am a tortured and confused soul, lost in the dictations of the world yet hopeful that my true self still exists. Do I exist? Is a shred of my real self alive or am I another social prisoner to the design of society? Who I am told to be is not who I was destined to be yet I fear there is no escaping this bond I have been placed into. I have slowly been molded and conformed to believe that I should desire the carvings of the world to my appearance. Told never to question. Threatened with disownment if I let my true self shine. I am pure, with beauty, passion, and loyalty shining in my soul. The world lies painted on my skin.

More than this

2010-01-08T01:05:00.001-08:00

Graduate school is on the forefront of my mind every night. I debate about taking a year off after undergrad and moving somewhere else and starting fresh. I am yearning for an adventure. One where I have to make my own rules and be my own person. For school, I keep thinking- Ok. Decide between Speech Pathology and Audiology. But Law school has been in the back of my mind, lurking around for the past year and a half. The thought of law intrigues me. What knowledge I will have after I finish. The sophistication and intelligence are enticing. However, how many law students make it? I have always known I have a drive and work ethic to do anything but I have yet to be inspired to make me work hard enough and still enjoy that I am doing.

As of now, my future profession is one of selfless service, day in and day out. Make someone else's life easier. Help them with their condition and make it so they are happy. And in turn, you will be happy too. Seeing their joy will inspire you to do good. I believe that is really what I want in life. To inspire joy in someone else's life. Inspire someone else to be everything they have always wanted to be. For some, life is not at their fingertips. Some will never get out of the way of life they were born into. Others have the opportunity to be whoever they want to be and usually it gets thrown away. The talent is pushed aside for mediocre. We lose our focus and are forced into something else that will drive away our passions, desires, and deepest dreams of old. Dick Durrance said it best- when we lose sight of our own dreams it's time to see what else there can be. Basically, never forget your old dreams but don't let that be it. Don't let that be all that there ever could be because life is so much more than we see. Our talents are meant to be developed, they are meant to be strived for and they are meant to be kept beyond our time here.

Life is similar to a pothole on the road. If we believe that this is all there ever is, what hope is there? Seems like an awful waste. Take space for example. If we are the only humans that exist, the only thinking, intelligent, communicative beings in the entire universe, it's an awful waste of space. How is it possible not to imagine or hope or believe that there is something more? We are just a blip in the universe. In the blink of an eye, we are gone. So, how are we to say that this life is all there is and all there ever will be? Seems like an awful waste of talent. There is so much time spent making these things for them to only be enjoyed for a split second? I can't believe in that, not one bit. The skies scream of hope, thrills, and of imagination. Why do we stifle our lives to ordinary when they are deemed the same as the skies?

When it comes to Grad school, I am terrified. However, I do know that where ever I end up or whatever I end up doing, it's not the end. I have so much more to do and so much more I can become. Places to visit, memories to be made, new friendships to clean up the ruined ones, and a whole lot of life yet to be lived. Life doesn't end after college. It begins.

Perfect Comfort

2009-11-27T00:17:00.000-08:00

For me, it is easy to be comfortable around someone I know fairly well. What I find much more difficult is finding that comfort that hits you in the very soul. The people I consider my truest friends are the ones that I have this soul comfort with, where I am at peace around these people, feeling no rejection or judgment from their words, actions, or demeanor. Feelings of calmness and joy take over and words are incapable of describing what you feel so perfectly inside your soul.

This is love. There is a willingness to do anything for these types of people. You don't dwell on faults, anger falls by the wayside, and these people are ones that you don't want to let slip through the cracks of life. If an offense occurs, let it slide. People are human, they make mistakes. Be angry for 5 minutes, let those natural emotions surface, and then let that comfort surface again- it should never leave your heart in the first place. If you caused the offense, just wait. If they feel the same comfort with you, they will let you back in. Don't question it, just accept it, whether you get an explanation or not.

Love is also living life to the fullest. To truly live life to the fullest, you must love yourself before you can love someone else. You are an ever-changing being due to the impacts that each day creates. The impacts pile up, whether they are large or small. Once there is a tipping point in your life due to change.... Explosion. And with it comes a blast that has destroyed everything in its radius. With that destruction comes the chance to rebuild and start anew. Thus, you are ever-changing and as you change, let your love for yourself change and grow, but never lose it. Never think of yourself as less than what you are. If you will go through a period of hate, disgust, and loathing, it will pass if you are striving for more in you life. Don't wallow in pity and despair. The world will demand sorrow it is miserable and fowl . Let your love of your new-self emerge throughout your transformations.

It is through this new-self that you are able to love a variety of people. The change will come at different points in time for everyone. It will display character, maturity, and a level of respect of others. Life isn't all about misery so enjoy it and have a good time. Be a goof ball forever and don't let anyone take it away from you if it is truly who you are. Love yourself in all your forms. When you are able to do this, you will be comforted and at peace with your soul. Then your ability to find comfort in others, that perfect comfort, will be so much easier than it was before.

15 Things About Me

2009-11-25T20:50:00.000-08:00

Well, this is a bit out of the norm for my writing but dive into me :)

1. I enjoy people watching
2. Can't relate to girls/ girly things
3. Definitely love to be alone in the mountains
4. Very passionate about a few things
5. 99.9% of the time, I am telling you the truth. The other .1% has a hint of truth to it
6. I want to get out of Utah and experience a life of my own, not one lived for others
7. Would love to serve in the Peace Core or volunteer in another country for a few years
8. Big houses, fancy cars, and designer clothes are a HUGE turn off
9. It doesn't take much to make me happy
10. I've found that keeping record of someone's faults isn't a way to love
11. My nieces and nephews are my world. I would do anything to make them happy
12. LIVE through sarcasm and love making people feel uncomfortable
13. I have my own view on life but I'm open to everything
14. I enjoy testing the limits of my fears
15. Searching for some meaning

... 15.5- I care way too much about the people in my life but it's hard for me to show it

The Nature of Innocence

2009-10-06T09:55:00.000-07:00

Found this little gem stashed away... My attempt at a creative writing project/ short story/ book at one point? I am really not sure why I started it but seems a tad cliche of every Hollywood film I've ever seen....

Standing out in the cold rain, he realized that there was nothing left for him in this desolate town. Everything he knew was brutally taken from him. What was worse was that no one around him understood his pain. Why is it that we try to take the world on our shoulders? Because we never want to put our burdens on someone else. We don't want our problems to extend past our own lips let alone into the ears of someone else other than ourselves. Our torments must stay internal. And, for Jonathon, he knew that the box that housed his difficulties would never see the light of day. No, they would be shut tightly away back in the deepest depths of his soul.

Every shattered story has the same beginning: perfection (or what seems like it anyway). Jonathon had it all. His intelligence rivaled that of geniuses, his athleticism was awed by those around him, and his appearance was that of a Greek God. Yet, his character, though true and honest, housed a flaw was known to many. Jonathon's life was his own. No one else was let in. Those who claimed knew him never really did. His mother always told him "To thine own self be true." Jonathon took this as a literal way of life. The harsh icy winter of his true heat was cleverly disguised by a warm and friendly outward appearance, the type of attitude everyone is attracted to. And as every shattered story has the same beginning, it has the same domino effect of downfall.

It seemed as though he was the person everyone admired, the person everyone aspired to be like. He could do no wrong. However, Jonathon lived his life for himself and for no one else. Every thought and every action was solely selfish, even if it seemed to be out of charity and love. How can this be so cleverly disguised? Hence, his downfall. But this story will come in time. Jonathon was a man of favors, yet it didn't start out this way. Once he could see the usefulness of having someone in your back pocket, the motives of his generosity severely changed. He was a manipulator, getting people to do his every whim. Funny thing about those people he so conveniently stashed away in that back pocket, their perception of Jonathon was that of a kind-hearted soul. He wouldn't be the type of person that would use another for personal gain.

At the age of 6, Jonathon's talents had come into full view. I mean, come on when your writing can be compared to Charles Dickens and you have cutting edge scientists and engineers calling every day inviting your boy to the next space camp, science convention, or beta test for the latest computer software, something is different. Shouldn't your 6-year-old be struggling with his letters, wanting to play kickball or still be wetting the bed? What was interesting with Jonathon was that he did all of those things as well, just not as much as the kid next door. His father was a brilliant mathematician, working on everything that we would read in a science fiction novel: time travel, space travel, genetic engineering, so on and so forth. His mother was the poet/ novelist that will be known and quoted for the next millennia. Essentially, the Confucius, Rousseau, or Shakespeare of the age. With parents like these, Jonathon was expected to be brilliant, a combination of what his parents are. And it came as no surprise when he seemed to live up to expectations. This type of fame comes with a price, one that this innocent soul was not capable to handle.

Ready to Run

2009-10-05T02:16:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: Jori Barr

Have you ever felt tied down to the place you are in? Had the itch to run away from it all? You know, that itch that is so bad that you want to drop everything you have currently been pursuing over the past... 18 years of your life and just live like a gypsy? This is where I am.

There is so much world out there and I want to take it all in. I don't want to be a corporate slave ending my life at the age of 25. I want to do something different with my life and with my time while I am young. Everyone around me is getting married, graduating from college, starting college, or dinking around being useless. Having been stuck in the same social scene for the past 4 years, my itch to pick up and leave has only gotten stronger.

How can you keep your feet on the ground when you know you were born to fly?

I don't know where my life will take me but I hope that I have made a difference and an impact on someone somewhere. There is a time in your life for change. For me, I want this time to some quickly. I have outgrown my current lifestyle and scene. Variety and change are what I crave. A desperate desire to be someone different has crept into my soul and it's been growing for about the past year. Who knows where it'll take me but I am ready to run towards something great.

50 Random Thoughts of People My Age

2009-09-11T13:32:00.000-07:00

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
Do you remember when you were a kid playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
There is a great need for sarcasm font.
Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
How in the the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)...ummm...Goonies"
What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories
Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to fall after leaning your chair back a little too far.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. I think things like, “I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?”
I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dang it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and/or Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fatty before I enjoy my normal dinner.

My FINAL Fall Recruitment

2009-08-30T13:19:00.000-07:00

And so it begins...

I have been in my sorority for 3 full years. I have been a potential new member in my 1st recruitment, participated with my sorority the following spring and fall for recruitment, and served as a recruitment councilor on the panhellenic side of recruitment. And for my final recruitment as an active in my sorority, I am running the entire show!

I am an avid lover of my sorority yet I have made a single analysis of the idea of what it means to be Greek. The premise of what a sorority means to the women involved with it. What a sorority truly is to me is a place where women of entirely different backgrounds can come together and feel comfortable in college. They can find their niche socially and academically. Women mature and grow during their time with the sorority. My analysis is such that the name of each house is meaningless in the long run. Pride for the house you are in is natural but pride to be Greek is what I find to be more important.

As I watched these new women coming to the union yesterday, they were all looking for the same thing: friendship that will last them a life-time, a place to call their own, those with similar drives and motivations, etc. I didn't see these women looking for particular Greek letters, the colors of each sorority, what the girls were wearing at each house, or what types of songs they sang. The most important aspect about sorority recruitment is where women of different backgrounds find a place where they feel the most at home. Not all collegiate women find this in a sorority but some do. In the end, the bond in a sorority comes through its specifics, but at the end of 4 years, they all are the same: a common bond of women with motivation and drive to be something better.

I am looking forward to see how this process plays out- which houses women choose during the week and who gravitates where. They are all bright, talented and eager women who are looking for something more during their college experience. I hope each one finds what they are looking for. My feelings and attitude of how I come across during this week is to share with them my excitement and joy from what I found in my sorority. I want them to have a fantastic experience where they have excitement and growth. If I can share my excitement with them over this next week, then I will have accomplished my goal and fulfilled my role as Panhellenic Recruitment Chair for the 2009 year.

Let the fun begin!

(Un)Talented People

2009-08-04T09:33:00.000-07:00

During my time in college, I have met very diverse groups of people. I like to think that I am an eclectic person as well as an accepting person. I like to earn the respect of those I associate with and give it in return. But I feel that I am in need of a desperate change in scenery.

One thing I have noticed, this summer in particular, is that certain activities hinder personal development and social growth. We look to be happy. We look to be satisfied and to have a good day. However, we don't look beyond that. One day. If this one day is good, I'll move on to the next. What I have noticed is that a lot of the people I know are talented, bright, whitty, fun-loving, and exciting among other various adjectives. However, the activities that occur do not reflect the type of people they are. Rather, they look to certain activities to help express their personalities. The activities that these people partake in are ones that take no personal development whatsoever. Yeah, it's fun, you have a great time, and you wake up saying- woah tell me what I did last night because I don't remember a thing! So, what type of development as a person are we making when our social scenes are stuck in this environment? What type of people are we choosing to be? Do we just take the easier route? Sure. Sitting around, getting messed up because we have nothing better to do is much easier than say going to the gym, reading a book, taking a hike, meeting new people, etc.

Now, I do understand that some people like this way of life and it's what they know and love. My opinion does not mean that I believe that everyone should live a certain way. Scratch that. This is an oppioniated observation. An observation with a point of view. Personally, I am sick of same old things. I want variety and I want new in my life. I want to figure out what I am good at, try new things, experience new people as well as keep my old friendships. What I am saying above describes a feeling, a tainted feeling of regret and sadness because there is so much I have missed out on. You get comfortable in a certain way of life and it becomes habit, whether good or bad, right or wrong, it becomes easier to live particular ways.

Walk With You

2009-07-21T14:22:00.000-07:00

Lyrics to an amazing song by Dispatch.

Walk With You

And I will walk with you,
using the stars as guides.
On a homeward path we go
Knowing our time is nigh

I, and I will walk to be with you.
All I've done,
to be with you...

So put your hand in mine,
and lay your head to rest.
We'll light the candles now - they won't be lit for long
we'll know our day was blessed

I, and I will walk to be with you.
All I've done, all I've done
Just to be with you...
I, I,

And I will walk with you,
Using the stars as guides
on a homeward path we go,
knowin' our time is nigh

I, I will walk to be with you.
All I've done,
and all I say
I, I,
To be with you,
to be with you,
to be with you

Director's Cut

2009-06-22T23:55:00.000-07:00

Photo Credit: Fania Simon

Walking down the street, you never expect to see someone you know. So, why is it, then, that when you do see a familiar face, that everything is such a shock?

Re-encounters. They can be joyous or they can be terrifying. It's the ones that are terrifying that really show you who you are. How do you handle it? Whether you harbor bad feelings or the person staring at you does, the true nature of the encounter will hit you weeks after it has occurred. It all happens in the blink of an eye and then you sit for days thinking about the meeting. Why? It's over and done so let it go. But you won't be able to. Your thoughts will go back to every little detail with this person for the time-span that you knew them. But, no matter what you do, the world, your world, will keep on spinning. Things go on. Life happens. Time decays everything and everyone. So, why then are feelings to make things right so potent in your mind? Is it some type of self peace or closure? Or do you just want to have one last word before you know that person will be out of your life forever?

People come and go. In my life, and this may seem sad, but there are very few people I want to keep in contact with over the next 30 years of my life. Very few. Why? Close connections outside that of my family haven't been frequent. Does this seem elitist? I would hope not. But I feel that my life is my own and is not dependent of the success or failure of people I know, minus my immediate family and their children. There are people that I have let deeply into my life and those are the people I want to keep forever. The small talk, the pointless chit chat, the busy or loud nights are all meaningless to me in the long run. There is no way to get to know someone well at a party, especially if you only see them or they only see you in that arena. One thing I do know is that everyone has something unique about them. Some story that makes them who they are, whether they know it or not. I like to think that everyone is good and true and that screws me over time and time again. I want to believe that people don't have hidden agendas. Gullible is written on my ceiling and I accept things at face value until proven otherwise.

Lives are a raw cut of a movie. Nothing can be edited, repeated, or stunt doubled. Nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING can be taken back. But do we live life in our mistakes or do we live in our experiences?

Photography Junky

2009-04-24T12:27:00.001-07:00

Well, if you can't tell, I absolutely love photography. I have taken more art classes than photo classes but it's a hobby that I can never get rid of. One of my photography adventures was with an old and dear friend, Hana where we drove around the valley and took photos. From there, I have developed a fancy to photoshop. What do I shoot with? Well, since I am poor I still have a little point and shoot. Every so often, I will borrow my friend's SLR camera and go nuts. Recently, I had a photo shoot with some of my friends for my a photography essay, which was an absolute blast. Portraits are a different style of shooting than I am used to but after exploring this area, I definitely want to pursue it some more.

Here are some websites to check out:

http://www.joeladdams.com/
http://www.mlwphotos.com/
http://www.pictureline.com/community/directory/index.php
http://www.liambailey.com/
http://markstoutphotography.com/portfolio.cfm
http://www.tfoteh.com

The majority of the photos on this blog are Mari originals. Enjoy!

What Makes You Human

2009-04-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

Eternal Creations

Everything begins with an explosion. An explosion of matter from a particle the size of a neutron set off a chain reaction to create our universe. Everything we see, touch, and are, is created from of atoms. As humans, we are a creation of carbon, heat, pressure and time. This is what we are in the simplest of forms. However, atoms, molecules, protons, neutrons, and electrons aren't considered alive, yet, we are said to be living. How can this be? There has to be more to us than atoms. Something give us life.

Tangible Senses

Touch me. I am real. I have warmth. I have life. My physical nature of flesh and bones shows that I am here. Millions upon millions of carbon atoms make me what I am: my organs, blood, nerves, bones, skin, hair, and cells. But I am more complex than just atoms, flesh, and bone aren't I? I have the ability to think, to express my thoughts, to feel, to educate and to create. I am more than what I appear to be.

Universal Communication

Humans are the only beings that have a higher thinking ability combined with multiple forms of communication. I have the ability to communicate through writing, gestures, and verbally. No two humans think or communicate in the same manner. Humanity is created by each individual's own point of view on how they perceive the world built around them. This world is not the same for everyone because everyone lives in their own world and is concerned only with the concept of the ME. What I do and who I am are the only definitions of MY world. It is this concept that gives our way of thinking and communication its variability. This combination of each individual's ME creates every opinion, every idea; every concept that has shaped the structure of our world that is society.

Physical Pleasure

Our world is built on thoughts, actions, and desires. Our most carnal actions and desires show the true face of humanity. Our primal desires are those that give us instant pleasure. They are all that matter and it is this satisfaction that we crave. Pleasure, whether it is mental, physical, or emotional, is what we ultimately want. Let it control us and our world turns grey with all that is truly important becoming lost. Our inner most carnal and primitive desires can take us by the neck and strangle life out of us- if we let it control us. True life will escape our eyes and will be replaced with emptiness.

Search for Hope

What do we do to combat these primitive desires of pleasure, habit, or addiction? We search for hope. We think that this world is more than just the physical. There is more. There just has to be something beyond the imperfections of man. This world we know is far too complex to think that it started from something the sized of a neutron. No, no. We are watched over from above. We are blessed, whether it is by Buddha, Jesus, Shiva, or Allah, we are blessed by a supernatural being. And because each human thinks differently and molds to other ME ideas, comes the idea of different versions of hope we all seek. But, some, not all, are in this search for hope and to know that in our world, there is beauty rather than all the ugliness we have created.

Soul Connections

The greatest definition of humanity is the social connections between souls. The soul is the sparkle in the eye of the emotion behind a simple smile. The soul is the unspeakable emotion and feeling of a person. This is a powerful and beautiful concept, for there is no physical make up or proof of the existence of a soul, only what we cannot describe. The friendships and connections of souls are endless. Some connections come instantly as other take time to build. And some feel as though these connections have been from previous life times. Old souls can be felt by others and we know that even though we can't prove their existence, they are there. We are more than just our physical make up, our carnal desires, and our search for more in this life. Humans can't be alone. We are not meant to be without another.

Façade of the Physical

If I were to lose my fingernail, am I still considered human? Yes. It can re-grow naturally over time. If I lost my leg and it was replaced with a prosthetic or robotic leg, am I human then? Yes because my leg does not define me. If my entire body, minus my brain and my heat, was robotic, am I human then? If I look like everyone else but was not built the same, can I still be classified as human, even if I have the physical similarities, the emotions, desires, and social connections? I can dream, create, and destroy, just like you. But on the inside, I am microchips, electricity, bars, and wires instead of tissue, blood, bones, and nerves. Is that human?

The bible says that our world came into existence through 7 creation periods. Yet this is not the final definition of humanity or any single human being. We are a make up of carbon atoms but it is from these tiny particles that our dreams, desires, and fears become manifest, causing the vastness of humanity in such that it cannot be easily or simply defined. In the end, the question remains: What makes you human?

Sapphire 2009

2009-04-12T15:16:00.001-07:00

Here are photos from Sapphire, Kappa formal, my junior year. Each year has been unforgettable. Past locations have been Willow Creek Country Club and The Pierpont Place. This year was at the Memorial House in Memory grove and it was an absolute blast.

Iron Oxide

2009-04-06T19:54:00.001-07:00

Well, now that the intro is over with, here is my first photography essay. This essay is titled IRON OXIDE. I have always thought about the beauty of our world and the nature of what is beauty. Anyway, below includes my final essay and my project. Enjoy!

Man has shaped, altered, and directed its world into anything dreamed and desired. However, dreams fade and satisfied desires are forgotten. Man is inconsistent, greedy, and futuristic. What is current is never good enough and thus, is left uncared for. What is forgotten usually is hidden by what are deemed aesthetically pleasing objects. What then happens to the undesired? Time. Is there an unforeseen power in the decay of the undesired? Can it reshape and define man? The decay of the forgotten has the ability to give character, history, and value to man. Man, who is always looking to advance, can rarely look back and relish at what it once accomplished.

Nature must always take its course. Decay is inevitable. Not just in our creations but in ourselves. In our prime, we seldom look at what we have created nor do we see its value. Once our own decay has set in, we relish in the past. The past should never be forgotten nor should it be tagged worthless. There is something beautiful in the overlooked, the undesired, and the once modern. But to see this, we must look closer at our world. Dissect it. Look beyond what the man of the time tells us to see. We must see the beauty of what man and nature have created together, not what man has fought to take from nature. The natural decay of man and its toys are beautiful if care is taken to magnify what is deemed unappealing.

Time is man-made state of mind; something we use to structure our world. It is in what is natural that time does not exist. Decay is constant, never-ending, and has the natural ability to create beauty. The cold grip of time gives this forgotten past a light in the darkness. It is this light that we can use to see what was once considered new. In the past, we have tarnished knowledge that revives our character and gives our culture life.

Failure to Remember

Lighting the Darkness

Waste Management

Shattered History

Flight of Life

Forgetting the Past

Broken Dreams

What's Golden

Through the Ages

Tarnished Knowledge

Desolation

Stained Reflections

The Cold Grip of Time